Can I go to a family Christmas party where people drink?
It depends on how central the drinking is. Scholars agree you can't drink, serve or pour alcohol, and many say you shouldn't sit at a table where it's being passed around. But a family gathering isn't a bar. Many converts go, spend time with relatives away from the drinks, and leave before the party turns into a drinking session.
What the hadith says
The Prophet ﷺ said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, then he is not to sit at a spread in which Khamr is circulated" (Jami' at-Tirmidhi 2801). He also said that Allah has cursed not only the drinker of wine but also "its server" and "the one who conveys it" (Sunan Abi Dawud 3674). See Can I play board games with my family at Christmas?
So two things are clear for everyone: you don't drink, and you don't hand out drinks, top up glasses or mix the punch.
Where scholars differ
- Stricter view: leave or avoid any gathering where alcohol is openly served, even with family.
- More lenient view: many contemporary scholars living in the West say you may attend a family event where some relatives drink, especially to honor parents, as long as you don't sit at the table while the bottles go round, you dislike it in your heart, and the gathering itself isn't about drinking.
A wine glass at Grandpa's place setting is very different from a party built around shots. Use your judgment about which one you're walking into. For nights out, see Can I go to a bar with friends if I only drink soda?
A practical game plan
- Come early: the first hours are usually food, catching up and kids. Drinking picks up later.
- Find your spot: the kitchen, the kids' table, the living room with the board games, or a walk with your mom.
- Hold your own drink: a soda or sparkling juice in hand means fewer offers.
- Pass on bartending: "Could someone else do drinks? I'll handle the dessert plates."
- Leave kindly: when the mood shifts to heavy drinking, hug your parents, thank the host and go. No speech needed.
When it gets uncomfortable
Drunk relatives sometimes tease, push a glass on you, or start arguing about religion. Stay calm and don't lecture. You'll get more respect from a smile and an early exit than from a debate at 11 p.m. If pressure to drink is the main problem, see What if my family pressures me to drink at holiday dinners?
If a relative regularly gets drunk and aggressive, it's fine to see them at a different time, like a lunch or a morning visit.
- Never drink, pour or serve alcohol.
- Many scholars say don't sit where drinks are passed around.
- Some allow attending family events where others drink.
- Come early, stay busy, and leave before the heavy drinking.
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