How do I teach my child body safety as a Muslim parent?

The core messages

• Use the proper names. Teach correct words for body parts, in a matter-of-fact tone. Children who have words are better able to tell you something is wrong.
• Private parts are private. These are the parts covered by underwear or a swimsuit. No one should touch them, look at them or take photos of them, except a parent or a doctor helping with hygiene or health, and even then with respect.
• Your body belongs to you. Your child may say no to a touch, a tickle or a hug they don't like, including from a relative.
• No secrets from Mom and Dad. Surprise presents are fine, but secrets about touching, photos or being asked not to tell are never fine.
• Tell a trusted adult. Name two or three people they can go to, including a teacher, and promise not to be angry.

How this fits with Islamic modesty

Islam teaches haya (modesty and a sense of shyness) and privacy. The Quran even tells families to teach children to ask permission before coming into a room at times when people may be changing, which are before Fajr, at midday and after Isha:

So knocking, closing the bathroom door and getting dressed in private are part of the faith, not just manners. Make clear that modesty is about dignity, not shame. A child should never feel that their body is "bad," and should never feel that telling about abuse is shameful. For what a child needs to cover, see What is the awrah of a child in Islam?

Talking about it, step by step

• Start young and keep it casual. Bath time, changing clothes and getting ready for swimming are natural moments.
• Practice with "what if" questions. "What would you do if someone asked you to keep a secret from me?"
• Respect your child's "no." If they don't want to kiss or hug someone, offer a wave or a high-five. The Prophet ﷺ kissed his grandson Hasan and taught that those who show no mercy to others will receive none (Sahih al-Bukhari 5997), but affection should be given freely, not forced. See Should Muslim parents kiss and hug their kids?
• Watch screens and apps. Know who your child talks to online.

If your child tells you something

Stay calm, thank them for telling you, and say clearly, "I believe you, and it is not your fault." Don't ask leading questions or confront the person yourself. Contact the police, child protection services or your child's doctor, depending on where you live. Protecting a child is a duty, and no one's reputation is worth leaving a child unprotected.

As your child grows, build on these talks with age-appropriate lessons on puberty. See How do I talk to my kids about puberty as a Muslim?