What should I say to a grieving Muslim family?
In most cases, simple and sincere words are best. Muslims often say "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un" and "May Allah have mercy on him." If you are not Muslim, "I'm so sorry for your loss" and an offer of practical help are warmly received. What you do matters more than what you say.
What Muslims say
The Quran teaches a short phrase for times of loss:
The Prophet ﷺ taught that anyone struck by a calamity should say these words and add: "O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it" (Sahih Muslim 918). To a grieving relative he sent this message: "Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term, so she should be patient and hope for Allah's reward" (Sahih al-Bukhari 1284). See What do I say when I hear bad news as a Muslim?
Phrases you can use
- "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un" (we belong to Allah and to Him we return).
- "May Allah have mercy on him/her and forgive him/her."
- "May Allah grant you patience and ease your pain."
- "May Allah grant him/her Jannah" (Paradise).
If you are not Muslim
You do not need religious phrases. Short, kind sentences are enough: "I'm so sorry for your loss." "He was a wonderful man." "I'm thinking of you all." Avoid explaining the death ("everything happens for a reason") and avoid asking how the person died. For the question of "RIP" and prayers for non-Muslims who die, see Can Muslims say RIP when someone dies?
What helps more than words
When Ja'far ibn Abi Talib died, the Prophet ﷺ said: "Prepare food for the family of Ja'far, for something has happened to them that will keep them busy" (Jami at-Tirmidhi 998). Practical help is a real sunnah.
- Bring or send a meal that is halal and has no pork or alcohol.
- Offer to look after children, answer the door or run errands.
- Visit in the first few days, keep it short and do not expect to be hosted.
- Check in again after a week or two, when the visitors have gone.
For coworkers: Muslim funerals happen quickly, sometimes the next day, so your colleague may need leave at short notice. Say "Take the time you need" before they have to ask. To make dua yourself, see What dua can I make for someone who died? And if you plan to attend, see What happens at a Muslim funeral?
- Muslims say "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un" (Quran 2:156).
- Non-Muslims can simply say "I'm so sorry for your loss."
- Food and practical help follow the Prophet's ﷺ example (Jami at-Tirmidhi 998).
- Allow short-notice leave for colleagues, since burial is quick.
People also ask
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